I must be too annoying 4 u.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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