meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
