Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
