I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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