btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
