I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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