I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Your penis caused this!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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