Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
