mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
