Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
