We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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