I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
