Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
