Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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