update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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