As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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