Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
