She is in my trunk
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
