I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
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