Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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