i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
