he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize