the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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