it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize