I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood and glitter go together right?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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