she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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