K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
