it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
