sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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