Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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