I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
