lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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