sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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