Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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