so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
