All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
