Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
