i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
farters have to be the big spoon...
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
