so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
