try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
