So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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