Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
