I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
