Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
