The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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