At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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