Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
