next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
