Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
