Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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