im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You're like the curious george of whores
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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