So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
