Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
