the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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