yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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