David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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