I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
