We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
