Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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