I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
You can't special order awesome
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Drunk is not a location!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
