I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
