they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
