If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
