Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
