then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize