Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
