As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
